i'm very nervous about this because i am not usually this open about it

i am Transgendered
Broadly speaking, transgender people are individuals whose gender expression and/or gender identity differs from conventional expectations based on the physical sex they were born into. The word transgender is an umbrella term which is often used to describe a wide range of identities and experiences, including: FTM transsexuals, MTF transsexuals, cross-dressers, drag queens, drag kings, genderqueers, and many more. Because transgender is an umbrella term, it is imprecise and does not adequately describe the particulars of specific identities and experiences. (For example, the identity/experience of a post-operative FTM transsexual will probably be very different from that of a female-identified drag king who performs on weekends, but both are often lumped together under the term "transgender.") from[link]

bur more specific i am Transexual
An individual whose gender identity does not match the sex that was assigned to them at birth. Many transsexual people will seek hormonal and/or surgical treatment in order to bring their body into alignment with their gender identity. See also "gender identity" and "female-to-male transsexual."

i have not yet started transition but i really hope to start soon! not many people know this about me but they will... they will...

a lot of people don't know or understand any of this. and i am sure that some religious folks out there will say that i am going against God. but since i believe god know everything including that i would be like this, i think this is all in his plan. i know it wasn't my plan for this.

see for the longest time i thought i was a straight man who just happened to crossdress and liked the genitals of other men. but recently...like in the past year or so...i have come to realize that this body of mine is wrong. and that is the truth. but what i find interesting is that even though i realized that i would be much happier being a woman, i still found myself attracted to women...so i guess that i am bi as well. but that's a whatever kind of thing. and there is something i keep telling my self about all this. it isn't my choice. i dont know anyone who would willingly put themselves through this hell. i didn't have a choice in any of it. dont ever tell me this is my choice

i dont follow any religion specifically because none of them would truly accept me for me. but i do believe in God and his plan.

and ya know i wasn't expecting all the favs on my first deviation that i am getting so thank you all so much for that as well!

something i forgot to mention earlier, is something that is a bit odd for most people...as a guy i am very plain, but as a girl, i am kinda goth, i just love their clothes! not a major update, but still an update!

oh, and i am not afraid to admit this, over the past few months i have been kinda suicidal... no attempts... just the thoughts... and one plan... anyway, tonight i had some thoughts again, but i didn't even give them a second thought, probably because my best friend was there for me again! she is just awesome!

Update
i have been thinking about this. and i am sure that there are people out there thinking, like i currently am, that God wouldn't make a mistake like putting me in the wrong body. He is God, God doesn't make mistakes like that. but the only way i can think about how it would work. is Stan.... sorry family guy joke..... Satan, that punk could have caused something to happen in my head that made me like this. but god can't just wave his hand and fix it, he would be interfering way to much if He did that. so God gave me the reasoning, and the determination to fix what Stan has done.... sorry Satan, tis a typo!